


Ghostpuncher Corps. | Fifteen Minutes

by Lick_Slick_V



Category: Ghostpuncher Corps
Genre: F/F, Making Out, Motorcycles, Neck Kissing, Porridge, Reckless Driving, Tsunderes, Wine, implied heavy petting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 18:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16124258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lick_Slick_V/pseuds/Lick_Slick_V
Summary: Three employees of Lucifer (aka Luci) are tasked with her bidding of collecting souls of those who've escaped from hell. Having dealt with a demon prince in Montana, the trio receives new orders from their boss to head back to Texas. Will they be able to catch the spirit on time or will growling tummies and a visit from the mysterious Anya St. Jean derail them from fulfilling the orders from their handsome and charming boss?





	Ghostpuncher Corps. | Fifteen Minutes

**Author's Note:**

> Lately I have been getting super into the podcast Ghostpuncher Corps and I love it so much. Hands down my favorite d&d podcast, largely because it's actually gay. Because of that (and being challenged) I wanted to make the first fan fic for the show! Well that and because I just really wish Petua and Anya would fucking kiss already! 
> 
> This fic takes place after the Life Eternal arc, but was written by the time episode 22 had come out so if things go real wild between now and the end... well not my fault.
> 
> Please for the love of Satan check out the coolest podcast this side of afterlife at: https://ghostpuncher.net/corps/ and their patreon on https://www.patreon.com/ghostpuncher

“What do you mean we have to go all the way back to Texas?!” Petua bemoaned to the radio of which Luci had been broadcasting. “I mean uhh get your ass back to Texas. I don’t know what is so difficult to understand in that” Luci replied her voice sounding her usual chipper curtness.  
“Alright, and I assume that we won’t be informed as to why we’re going to Texas?”  
“You assumed correct. Now get going I’ll tell you more when you get close.” and with that the radio fell silent as Lucie disconnected. 

Petua just sat back and let out a sigh. The other two members of the team, Elektra and Mikey, comisserated at the news of the instructions. They felt as if this would happen, but there really wasn’t much that they could do about it. They were on a mission from, well, from lucifer. 

They had just wrapped up in Montana and were on yet another hull across the country, and as much as she didn’t want to, Petua was the one left behind the wheel. She tried not to drive angry, but it was hard not to! After all they were going back to pretty much where they had started, hundreds of miles away, and worst of all that Anya St. Jean is most likely following them. 

“Ugh, that Anya St. Jean. Thinking she’s so cool with her white turtleneck, and nice hair. Pff. I could pull off a white turtleneck.” Elektra rolled her eyes, not that she was eavesdropping on Petua’s conversation with herself, but the mention is St. Jean usually causes her eyes to do that. 

No matter what they do and how far they go that St. Jean always seems to be following them, and to make matters worse she always ends up making Petua look like an ass (Which is just bringing down team morale at this point), but no more! Next timebSt. Jean will be the one making an ass out of herself.

Though confident in her ability to foil her, she still really didn’t want to run into St. Jean again. But it was inevitable. As far as the group can tell she doesn’t show up until they at least have some kind of idea as to what they’re after. So Petua felt like she didn’t need to worry too much for the time at least. Plus it’s not like she has horrible bosses that would send her right back to Texas. “Hey, Petua?” Mikey asked coming up to the driver seat, “Yeah, Mikey.” Petua asked not taking her eyes off the road.  
“Can we stop for food?”  
“Don’t we have stuff in the fridge?”  
“It all went bad.” Mikey replied calmly. Petua on the other hand was starting to become visibly stressed, “What do you mean it went bad, Mikey? We just got it!”  
“Yeah, but we didn’t leave the fridge hooked up.” Chimed in Elektra. 

Petua let out another groan before burying her fingers into the bridge of her nose. “Okay. we’ll stop for food.” Thankfully they didn’t have to drive much further before they came to an exit leading to some greasy spoon called “Aunt Patty's Porridge Pot” 

The group of lucifer's lackies pulled their RV into one of the parking spots and started to head in when Petua stopped dead in her tracks right outside the restaurant. “No. Oh, no, no, no.” Petua muttered,  
“What’s wrong?” Elektra asked just as she saw it too, “Oh, no.”  
“Right?!” Petua gasped.  
“I don’t get it.” Mikey said as he looked at the same motorcycle that struck fear into Petua. The warlock let out the longest groan at the thought of running into Anya St. Jean here of all places. “Well there could be the chance that it’s not Anya.” Elektra said with a not so reassuring shrug.  
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Petua replied with a half smile and started to open the door.  
“Petua Jones? Really? again??” 

What breath Petua had been able to get back was quickly knocked right out of her again as she heard the icy cold voice of Anya St. Jean call out from behind her. Spinning quickly on a heel Petua Jones was once again stiff as a board, face to face with her rival. 

“I was really hoping to get at least a 24 hour break from you, Jones.” She groaned.  
“Well yeah! I was hoping it’d be longer before I ran into you again, St. Jean. Like, preferably never!”  
“As smooth as ever, Jones.” Anya replied with a roll of her eyes. Elektra and Mikey on the other hand were more hungry than they were invested in whatever Anya had going on, and as both of their stomachs growled loudly, they shared a ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’ shrug and went in first and left Petua to do her own defending this time around. 

“Well not everyone can be as cool as you St. Jean. With your motorcycle, and your dumb sweater, and your stupid pretty face and, and, and-” Petua was about to start on her tirade, but was cut off by St. Jean, “Oh? So you think my face is pretty, huh.” She replied with a smirk., causing Petua’s face to flush, “Out, out of all the things I said, that’s what you took away?”  
“I don’t know why you’re acting so embarrassed, Jones. I mean it certainly understandable, I recognize that I’m fairly attractive.” Anya said reaching out giving Petua’s cheek a gentle caress as the warlock’s fists tightened at her sides. The embarrassment, somehow now worse, shown clearly on Petua’s face. “You’re also terrible at hiding your emotions, Jones. It doesn’t take much to figure out how you’re feeling and it take so little to rile you up. It’s really quite cute.” 

“St. Jean! This is highly unprofessional!” Petua said growing embarrassed at her gentle touches. “Don’t worry. I’m off the clock, and something tells me Luci didn’t give you a time card.” She replied.  
“Well just because I’m not clocked in ‘officially’ doesn’t mean that I don’t uphold standards.” Petua said brushing Anya’s hand away. “I don’t even know where all of this is coming from!” Anya chuckled to herself, “Well of course you don’t. You could probably get hit with a truck and not know where it was coming from.”  
“Oh I suppose you’re the truck?”  
“Not entirely, but yes.”  
“But I’m not that oblivious. I know there was a spark of some kind. I don’t understand why you’re suddenly being so bold, St. Jean!”  
“I told you. I’m off the clock. And everyone needs to cut loose at some point.” Anya replied popping her eyebrows up.  
“Well… you’re not entirely wrong. But that still doesn’t change the fact that we have different goals. Work for different people.”

Anya thought about it for a bit. “You’ve got a point, but I don’t think that we can’t be friendly off hours. Here I’ve got a bottle of red with my motorcycle. Why don’t you come with me and try it out, I’ll even let you sit on it.” Anya offered. “A bottle of wine you say?” Petua replied as she seemingly couldn’t think of a reason not to go anymore. And with that Petua was slowly being lead around the corner of the restaurant, practically floating behind Anya.

From the diner seat Elektra could see Petua following Anya away from the door and sighed to not have to worry about dealing with Anya herself. Mikey was looking through the pictures on the menu and asked why Petua was going with Anya. “Oh she’s just… uhhh…” Elektra trailed off unsure of want to say. “Is she going to deal with Anya, ‘for good’?” There was a pensive pause. Elektra wasn’t entirely sure what to say or even what exactly he meant by ‘for good’, but she just nodded yes. “Finally.” He breathed a sigh of relief.

With the pop of a cork Anya St. Jean began to fill both plastic wine glasses, handing one to Petua who inspected it. She was standing with one hand firmly on her hip, trying to look as in charge as she could as she inspected the wine.

“It’s a Montoya Cabernet,” Anya announced, “a colleague recommended it to me, you’ll have to let me know what you think.” She said smiling over the edge of her glass as she saw Petua go in for a sip. “I mean, it certainly is a red wine.” Petua said knowing full well she couldn’t actually say that she liked it. “Yes it certainly is.” Anya laughed and then said nothing else.

The two sat in silence as they took little sips of their wine. A fierce unending battle of gay chicken played out as the two waited to see who would make the move. The tension between the two was growing increasingly intense. It felt like at any moment the small rocks in the pavement would start to levitate from the sheer energy of it all. But then it stopped. St. Jean had broken first. “So did you want to go for a spin with me?” she offered.  
“Oh, I mean, I’d love to. But I don’t know how to ride.”  
“Didn’t you say you had one yourself, Jones? Or were you just trying to impr-”  
“Oh HA HA you’re right! I did say that because I do know how to ride. I was just messing with you St. Jean. Honestly, you think you’d know by now.” Petua replied trying to swallow her nerves.  
“Then why don’t you take a seat? I’ll sit right behind you and everything will be okay.”

Petua could feel her body temp rise as she blushed, slammed the rest of her glass, and took a seat at the helm of the bike. The bike looked recently new, but it was clear Anya had been riding it hard. It was stocked like it was for long road trips. Large saddle bags, a radio hanging off the back, bed roll, ect. She could feel it’s weight under her as she lifted it into balance. It had been far too long since she had last driven on, and it all felt more intense than before, but that might also be the wine’s fault. 

Before she could get too in her head about if this was the right idea or not, she felt Anya slip onto the bike seat just behind her. With Anya’s hands now holding onto Petua’s hips she felt her mind short circuit a bit. Instead of thinking of everything, she was thinking of nothing. An empty vacancy to be filled with Anya’s words as she told her to start the bike. 

Petua hit the ignition, with thunder the bike kicked to life. Vibrations rattled through the two women as Anya moved in closer to her rival. She could feel her body now pressed against her back. Her head was next to hers as she told her to take it out on the road a bit. “There’s a lovely spot down the road were we can get some privacy.”

Her words circled and spun in her head. ‘What could she have meant by privacy?’ Petua wondered, but she had already put the bike into gear and peeled out of the diner with a roar.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
“Alright folks, here’s your food. Let me know if there’s anything else you need.” The waitress said with a bright smile as Mikey and Elektra thanked her. The two looked down at what they had ordered. Even though there were items at Aunt Patty’s Porridge Pot that weren’t porridged, everything was served in a pot. Mikey had ordered the Armageddon Pot, though he didn’t know that’s what it was called he just wanted the one that had a 32oz steak on top of it. Elektra on the other hand had ordered what was basically a skillet in a pot that she soon filled with bountiful helpings of habanero hot sauce. 

The two had started eating when they realized that Petua had yet to return to them. “Petua’s okay right Mikey?” Elektra asked starting to get worried. Mikey just looked up and shrugged, “How can I know? She’s not here.”  
“I know. She’s just been gone a while.”  
“You were gone a while too, Elektra” Mikey replied referencing the last time Elektra had ‘stepped away’ from the group. “Hmmm, fine. point made. But at least I wasn’t with St. Jean” She said before going back to eating.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Petua was white knuckled as she drove Anya’s bike down the highway. She could feel the wind whipping against them as St. Jean tightened her wrap around the warlock. Her heart was racing as she drove faster, and faster still. Her blood began to boil. She pushed the bike’s limits. And just as Anya’s hands began to move the bike, and Petua’s heart, started pushing 95 down the highway. Telephone polls and flat land whipped past the two as St. Jean leaned forward kissing her on the neck. Petua was barely breathing. Her focus was on the road, but she still took in and savored Anya’s touch. Every part of Petua had been flooded with adrenaline. She felt like the physical embodiment of a thermometer about to burst. Just as Anya’s hand was almost all the way up Petua’s thigh she stop. “Pull over by the sign, Jones.”

The bike decelerated and curved off the road pulling up behind the large ground level billboard. Immediately as the bike stopped Petua leaned back and began to kiss Anya like it would save her life. Anya tugged at Petua’s hair tie and began to run her fingers through the freed locks, as she pulled the warlock as closer. 

“Isn’t, isn’t this a little uncomfortable?” Petua gasped starting to stand up. But she was held back down by Anya, “No, I want you right here. Now just lean back and relax.” She whispered into Petua’s ear before she pulled down the collar of her black turtleneck and began to lay teasing kisses down her neck. 

Petua slid forward on the bike and leaned back into Anya’s groan inducing lip work. With her prey reacting exactly as planning Anya bit down on Petua’s neck, causing her to let out a moan into the empty air around them. 

It was exactly as St. Jean had been planning, and Petua was now puddy in her hands. The two continued to bite, and kiss as they sat on the bike still vibrating under them. The warlock could feel the building anticipation. She knew that there was some gayness to her rivalry with Anya, she didn’t think this would happen. If anything she had been hoping to lead. But who was in charge didn’t really matter to her anymore as she felt her legs start to spread for Anya as she undid her belt and teased just the tips of her fingers along Petua’s waistline. 

“Is this okay?” Anya asked pausing a moment, “Y-yes...” Petua replied out of breath. With pleasure Anya slid her hand through the space between Petua and her clothes. As soon as she felt her fingers Petua let out a gasp. The cool Montana air wrapped around them, the empty landscape made them look small, and none of that mattered when they were so close. For once their guards were lowered. Words were no longer traded. Instead they spoke through movement alone. An adjustment to get more comfortable, a kiss on the neck, hips moving on their own. The more they talked, the more vocal they became. Their movements quicked, the sentences shortened, and they were silent again verbally, and physically.

Petua was biting her lip. One foot was out stretched pushing against the footpeg of the bike, the other dug into the ground. Her breath was short as her entire body became tense, ridged. Anya revealed only her endurance, and was otherwise silent. They wouldn’t be able to contain themselves any longer. They were so close. She was even closer. “JUST WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU’RE DOING!” Luci voice yelled from the radio hanging on the back of Anya’s bike.

The bike nearly tipped over as the pair jumped at the voice. “Honestly Petua I expected so much more from you.” Luci continued as Petua scrambled to pull her pants back up, “I’m not only disappointed in you for this Petua, but also I am betrayed by your lack of professionalism.”  
“P-Professionalism?!” Petua scoffed, “Don’t talk to me about professionalism, Luci. I deserve some time off okay!”  
“I figured Lucifer would’ve been down for this kind of thing.” St. Jean smirked.  
“Oh ho, don’t you get involved in this, St. Jean” barked the radio, “We all know I’m pro whatever the hell was going on here, but just, ugh, could it have been anyone else Petua!? Damn.”  
“Well, I-!”  
“Well, I don’t wanna hear it, Jones! Get back to the RV and we can talk about your double cross without miss ‘I hope my white turtle neck covers hickies’ listening in. Luci, out!” 

The radio fell silent and the two women were sitting there in an awkward silence and reality had been returned and defences put back in place. “Wow, nice boss.” St. Jean said her smirk returning. Petua smiled a little at that, “Yeah, I know. Say can you drive me back?”

They two switched places and St, Jean started the bike back up. They two didn’t really talk at all on the way back. A few nervous jokes and laughs were passed, but not much more. Petua spent the ride back with her head nuzzled into St. Jean’s back as she lost herself in her thoughts again.

It wasn’t that long of a drive as the two soon found themselves pulling back in to Aunt Patty’s. As she got off Anya’s bike Petua started to blush as it had hit her what she had been doing. St. Jean looked back at her with a wistful smile, “Well Jones… you’re a little bit more surprising than I thought, just a little.” the two laught gently trying to hold onto what little time this moment had left by lingering before Anya added, “I guess I’ll be seeing you in Texas then, Jones.” Before Jones could even process that St. Jean blew her a kiss and peeled out on her bike.

“W-What the hell, St. Jean!” Petua yelled. She wanted to get mad at St. Jean, but couldn’t because she was already missing her. But she was saved from admitting that to herself as Elektra and Mikey rolled up behind her, to-go box in hand. “So how’d things go.” Mikey asked genuinely, but it just made Petua want to groan. She really didn’t want to think about the embarrassment of getting caught by her boss, but she knew that the other two would get a little too much detail when Luci fries her ass in the RV. 

“You’ll find out in the RV when Luci chews me out.” Petua said with a sigh as she started to march her way back with the other two following behind.  
“If it makes you feel any better, we got you some food.” Elektra said handing Petua the box. She took it looking down with a smile before the three returned to their RV.


End file.
